Autistic Children and the Strain on Marriage
Unfortunately, in modern times, many marriages end in divorce or separation. This statistic increases even more when mixed with an autistic child. No matter how loving and understanding both of you may be towards your child, the truth is that autism is a very difficult issue and stress in marriage is not uncommon. By trying to stay optimistic about your situation and working to keep your marriage healthy, you and your spouse can avoid marital problems and hopefully survive the difficult times of raising an autistic child.
Why did you marry your husband or wife? By asking yourself this question often, you can focus on the good things about your marriage. Raising a child with autism is stressful, and if you are stressed out, you have a tendency to criticize another person for the smallest missteps. Instead of focusing on these bad qualities, take some time to enjoy each other like you did at the beginning of the relationship. This can include spending time away from your children. When you discover that your child is autistic, it helps to make sure that you and your spouse are not the only two people your child will respond to. A grandfather, aunt or uncle, older brother or babysitter are good people to have in your child's life in the most intimate way possible. This way you can spend time alone with your spouse.
Collaborate with your spouse to help your child instead of arguing among yourselves. You will likely have different ideas about what to do in certain situations, so be prepared to compromise and always seek professional advice before making any medical decisions for your child. As you work together, remember that you are offering your child the best opportunities. Try to set aside time each week to spend together as a family, especially if one parent or the other is the primary caregiver.
Finally, get help when you need it. Part of any successful marriage is spending time apart to focus on individual needs, and it's no different when you have an autistic child. However, if you find that you and your spouse are unhappy unless you are spending time alone, it is time to reevaluate the situation. Marriage or family counsellor can help you and your spouse get back on track to a happy life together. It may also be helpful to meet other couples who raise children with autism. You are not alone and it is never easy. By making an effort to keep your marriage happy, even when you're stressed out by the task of raising an autistic child, you and your spouse can make sure your marriage doesn't end in a messy divorce.
Autistic Forms of Teaching and Tolerance
Understanding how autistic children learn is the key to teaching them as intensely as you teach other children. It may seem like a simple idea, but autistic children learn so differently that understanding autism itself is a must when teaching autistic children. By educating about the disorder, teachers can effectively learn to deal with autistic children and adults both inside and outside the classroom, creating a more caring world for all.
Children with autism are often visual thinkers. Therefore, teaching by speaking will not be entirely effective. Teachers need to combine pictures with words so that the autistic child fully understands the lesson. For example, if you are teaching about animals of the world, you should have a flashcard with the word "mouse" on it, say the word out loud slowly and clearly, and show the child a picture of a mouse.
Maybe even bring a live mouse to show and tell. Nouns may be easier to teach autistic children, as verbs require action and can be more difficult to illustrate. If you are teaching autistic children words like "sit" or "stand", you must complete these actions when teaching the word. Also, due to their tendency to be visual, children with autism are often unable to follow long sentences. They cannot decipher the sequence and are confused. Therefore, writing instructions can be very useful when monitoring tests or quizzes.
As visual thinkers, children with autism can often fixate on a particular object or image. If so, try incorporating that object or image into your lesson plans. If your child likes aeroplanes, he tries to use aeroplanes as visual elements whenever possible during the lesson. For example, when you teach math, make trouble with words on aeroplanes that interest your child. Autistic children also tend to be artistic or musical, produce very original drawings, and exhibit above-average skills with instruments or voices. Spend time during the day on the arts and encourage activities that children enjoy.
Children with autism may also have difficulty writing due to control over their hands and movements. This is frustrating for both the child and the teacher. To reduce frustration, allow the child to use a computer. If you can do this, make sure the keyboard and monitor are close together, as your child may have a hard time remembering what you have recently written.
By being open to teaching an autistic child the best you can, you not only offer them the best opportunities in life, but you are also a good role model for other children in the class. Don't let an autistic child spoil the learning experience of others, but rather incorporate their whims into your lessons as much as possible. Creating a more non-judgmental classroom is the best gift you can give this child.
Bad Apples on the Family Tree
The news that a child in the family is autistic often elicits different reactions. While all family members, even the most widespread, would be supportive in an ideal world, the sad truth is that many are upset or disappointed. Does a family member often berate the autistic child? Do you look at your autistic child unfairly? Does this family member insist on treating your autistic child the same way you treat all other children in your family, even when it is inappropriate? These are signs that this family member is neither receptive to your autistic child nor to the situation. This can often happen when a child is discovered to be autistic, so as a parent, be aware and prepared for this to happen.
Often, unresponsive relatives simply don't understand what autism is or what it means for their child and immediate family. Although many view autism as mental retardation, many autistic children and adults are highly intelligent; they are simply not able to communicate it in the same way that others would. Try to explain what autism means to this family member and ask him to spend time with you and your autistic child. Let them see the effects of autism and the methods you can use to deal with it.
If the family member continues to be unhelpful or refuses to explain, ask why this family member is so unreceptive to the situation. Are they afraid of hurting the baby? Are you worried about the additional responsibility of spending time with the baby? They may feel guilty or ashamed. If you can identify why a family member is not receptive, you can better address the problem and hopefully help them overcome their original perceptions.
Perhaps no amount of talking or spending time together will help this family member overcome his prejudices. If this person has made up his mind stubbornly, he will never be able to show you how beautiful your son or daughter is, with autism and all. If this is the case, removing this person from your life can be difficult, but it will also free you and your child from this family member's negative personality and energy. In this developing situation, you need the best positive support available.
Remember that other family members have supported you; that your children are adapting well and are a source of strength for you. Strengthen your support network by participating in parenting support groups for autistic children. And remember that you can surround yourself with those who accept and love your child, related or not.
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